May 14, 2009. [Nikki Sucks at Titles.]

So recently, I've been going through a hard time, and with school coming to an end, things are just getting worse.

I'm trying to prepare myself for not being able to see, nor talk (more than likely) to my boyfriend for the next two months. To be honest though, I don't think there is any way to 'prepare' for that.

It's a tough relationship, and I guess it requires a lot of dedication. He's a Jehovah's Witness, a religion of which most people don't like. As part of his religion, he's not allowed to have friends, or date outside of his religion, so he's taking a big risk by being with me. And because of this, I can't see or talk to him outside of school.

You may be thinking, 'That's not much of a relationship', and you're right. It's not. But I have incredibly strong feelings for him, and I have faith in us.

I just can't imagine two months without contact from him.

All I can think about is how much I'm going to miss him, and how lonely I'm going to be without him.

It's amazing how much emotion you can have towards one person, of which whom you barely get to spend time with. But, I love him. A lot.

He's changed so much for me. The way I think, the way I see things. The future. He's opened my eyes to so many things, and I'm so grateful that he came at such good timing. I would never wish pain upon him, but if his bitch of an ex-girlfriend hadn't cheated on him again and things with her hadn't ended, I would still be that pathetic, lonely girl, wishing for someone like him to come along, and change things for me.

I would still be that pathetic, lonely girl, wishing for him.

And thankfully, I did end up with him.

It's scary thinking that next school year he'll be eighteen, and a senior, meanwhile, I'll be turning sixteen, and still a sophomore, and then have to spend two more years in school without him. He says he'll wait for me, and I believe him, indefinitely.

I never thought I would end up with someone as good as him; I feel so lucky to have. Everything went from complete shit, to complete perfection, and it was a nice change from what I was dealing with before.

I think what I'm most afraid of for the summer would be that because we have little to no contact with each other, he could move on. Two months is a pretty long time to be away from the one you proclaim your love to.

He says he could wait for me forever, but he's afraid I can't. I believe I can. I hope to God I can.

I can't blame him for being skeptical though. His ex was a complete, utter bitch who did nothing but break his trust and his heart. Not to mention cheat, and lie to him. I understand why he would be. I hate her so much for what she did to him.

I'm just going to start getting off topic now. I better try to go to sleep; I haven't had much lately.

Yours truly,
Nikki.